future – Random Ramble

Cliche title? But is true, after quite a long time working and saving, I’m glad to say that I finally went full turist in France.

Well, just Paris, but still, it was beautiful, so different from Costa Rica, specially the weather.

I have a lot of new experiences, even accidents, but the thing that I would like to point out is, how much it help me, since I have dysthymia (depression), and the last year has been specially hard for me, just to do basic things, just to find motivation basically, but traveling by myself has been a really liberating experience.

Felling actually good for once 🙂

I’m at certain point in my life, where I question and critique way too much, specially myself.

There’s a a weird feeling I have, when my younger cousin, or even some of my younger friends tell me about their achievements (about relationships/college/fitness); I know what it probably looks like, and no, is not jealousy, is more like a little pressure I feel, to do better.

I also know we are not in any type of race, but, as I said, it feels like we are competing with each other.

When I’m at work or college, everyone wants to stand out, mostly showing off, but there are some people who are just happy doing all kinda things, and being naturally better at them or making an effort to be better, and I highly admire that, but at the same time I feel pressure to be like them.

Thanks for reading my emotional ramble 🙂

Funny thing is that, even if I’m young, I’ve always been independent, living alone since I got a permanent workplace.

But, I probably feel way too comfortable in here, a lot of my teammates, the ones I enter with, have a better job now in the same company or other, and even my boss asked me once “Why wouldn’t you apply for a better position?” and I don’t really have an answer.

Why make the effort of going through a new interview, where there’s a high chance of rejection, plus, I don’t have a bad job, and I don’t feel particularly happy or sad, just “normal” I guess, this is my first job, so I don’t have much experience eather.

Does that sound like putting excuses ?maybe a little, sorry… but, the one thing that stops me every time, is that thought in the back in my head, telling me that I should be happy with the few things that I have, and honestly not knowing if I deserve something better.

Oh my, I sound like an angsty teen, I’m 22 already (should grow up) I think I should at least try the promotion thing, but I still think someone else deserves it more then me, can’t help it

I’m just saying my random thoughts, if someone has tips for the situation, please say so ♡

There are times where I feel ashamed of the way that I am, there’s nothing wrong with me (I think), but sometimes, I and probably the person who is reading this, feels useless or without motivation.

Growing up is not what I expected to be.

I’ve being working and living alone since I’m 18 and I do feel that as an achievement, but besides that there are times where I feel useless and without a clear idea of what to do.

I’m 22 now, currently trying to balance out a career that I don’t really like with my job as a customer service associate (where they are nice enough) but I don’t really like either.

I don’t have hobbies or a clear idea of what I really enjoy doing, I like to travel and take pictures, besides that, there’s not much I can think of

Funny enough, I’m not really performing well at college since I’m usually tired from work anddd the other way around.

I’m really trying to stay positive, but any idea or tip for the situation would be useful, because at this moment I feel stuck.

Wish me luck ♡

Etiqueta: future

Traveling ♡

Achievement

Balancing job

«Existential Crisis»